


If U Seek Amy: Not a Threesome

by brOBGYN



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: Eggplant, F/M, veggie porn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 09:42:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1894371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brOBGYN/pseuds/brOBGYN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dinner for two: Danny’s got a secret ingredient for the perfect eggplant parm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alittlenutjob](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlenutjob/gifts).



> My fics seem to be getting quite a lot of attention on Twitter, and I find that very encouraging. There also seems to be a couple of imposters pretending to be me, which at first was disconcerting, but now I realize imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I'll just take it as a compliment and move on (also, I stole some of their ideas bc of it, so w/e). I'm always trying to improve my prose, and take suggestions seriously. I tried to use less medical terminology this time, _please please please_ leave a comment and let me know how I did. I am so excited to be writing my first multi-chapter fic. I hope you all like it.
> 
> This fic is dedicated to alittlenutjob, because I was scrolling through the works gifted to her on her birthday and I was shocked that there was no smut (how disappointing is that?! I didn't even bother reading them). So happy belated birthday! May the following year be filled with all the kinky sex you can handle.

Mindy hummed along as she scrolled through the songs on her iPod. She was gonna jump Danny tonight, and she wanted some musical inspiration, looking to the ultimate in pop culture sex icons, she turned to Britney, and smile splitting her features when she found the perfect song, something that really got her motor revving...

_La la la la la la la la_  
 _La la la la la la la la_  
 _La la la la la la la la  
_ _La la la la la la la la_

_Oh, baby, baby_  
 _Have you seen Amy tonight_  
 _Is she in the bathroom_  
 _Is she smoking up outside  
_ _Oh_

_Oh, baby, baby_  
 _Does she take a piece of lime_  
 _For the drink that I'mma buy her_  
 _Do you know just what she likes  
_ _Oh_

_Oh, oh  
_ _Tell me have you seen her  
_ ' _Cause I'm so, oh  
_ _I can't get her off of my brain_

_I just wanna go_  
 _To the party she gon' go_  
 _Can somebody take me home  
_ _Ha ha he he ha ha ho_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me_  
 _Say what you want about me_  
 _But all of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to  
_ _If you seek Amy_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me_  
 _But can't you see what I see_  
 _All of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to  
_ _If you seek Amy_

_La la la la la la la la  
_ _La la la la la la la la_

_Amy told me that she's gonna meet me up_  
 _I don't know where or when_  
 _And now they're closing up the club  
_ _Oh_

_I've seen her once or twice before she knows my face_  
 _But it's hard to see_  
 _With all the people standing in the way  
_ _Oh_

_Oh, oh  
_ _Tell me have you seen her  
_ ' _Cause I'm so, oh  
_ _I can't get her off of my brain_

_I just wanna go_  
 _To the party she gon' go_  
 _Can somebody take me home  
_ _Ha ha he he ha ha ho_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me_  
 _Say what you want about me_  
 _But all of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to  
_ _If you seek Amy_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me_  
 _But can't you see what I see_  
 _All of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to_  
 _If you seek Amy_  


_Oh_  
 _Say what you want about me_  
 _Oh  
_ _But can't you see what I see_

_Oh  
_ _Say what you want about me  
_ ' _Bout me  
_ ' _Bout me_

_So tell me if you see her  
_ _Let me know what she was wearing and what she was like  
_ ' _Cause I been waiting here forever  
_ _Let me know where she was going I don't mind_

_Oh, baby, baby_  
 _If you seek Amy tonight_  
 _Oh, baby, baby  
_ _We'll do whatever you like_

_Oh, baby, baby, baby  
_ _Oh, baby, baby, baby_

_La la la la la la la la_  
 _La la la la la la la la_  
 _La la la la la la la la  
_ _La la la la la la la la_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me_  
 _Say what you want about me_  
 _But all of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to  
_ _If you seek Amy_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me_  
 _But can't you see what I see_  
 _All of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to  
_ _If you seek Amy_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me  
_ _Say what you want about me_

_Love me_  
 _Hate me_  
 _But can't you see what I see_  
 _All of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to  
_ _If you seek Amy_

_Oh_  
 _Say what you want about me_  
 _Oh  
_ _But can't see what I see_

_Oh_  
 _Say what you want about me_  
 _All of the boys and all of the girls_  
 _Are begging to  
_ _If you seek Amy_


	2. Chapter 2

Danny and Mindy were in the kitchen at his apartment. Naturally, Danny was at the stove while Mindy sat at the counter stuffing her face with pre-dinner treats sure to ruin her appetite, gobbling up donuts like a pig rooting through slop. Little did Danny know that food was the last thing on Mindy's mind. Well, kind of. Just the sight of his delicious deltoid muscles rippling beneath his tight t-shirt and the juicy steaks of his gluteal muscles tight and high within his pants had more than Mindy's mouth watering. She squirmed on the barstool, an uncomfortable throbbing between her legs, her constant companion all day, making itself known once again.

She dropped her half masticated donut on the counter, paying no mind to the crumbs that scattered everywhere as she made her way around the island. Danny looked over his shoulder, eyeing the mess she left behind her. He bit his tongue, he didn't want to argue tonight. Arguments meant no sex, and since their schedules had been conflicting all week, he was near to bursting with desire, his testes heavy with unspent love custard, walking around all day embarrassingly half erect. There would be nothing standing between him and a good roll in the hay tonight, not even an impending ant infestation. His cock twitched at the mere thought of sinking his teeth into her after dinner.

She stepped behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, giggling as she whispered into his back, "Baby, baby, if you seek Amy tonight. Baby, baby, we'll do whatever you like."

He pulled away abruptly, an annoyed look on his face. "What the hell, Mindy? Why would I be looking for Amy? I haven't even spoken to her in months. You don't want to like… invite her over for stuff, do you? Because I wouldn't exactly be… averse… to a threesome, but pick someone else, jeez."

Mindy laughed, reaching around to palm the currently soft tumefaction at the front of his pants. "Oh, Danny." She carefully enunciated each syllable. "If. You. Seek. Amy."

Danny put down the spoon he was stirring his sauce with, lowering the heat before he turned around to face her. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about. She doesn't even have a key here anymore."

Mindy bit her bottom lip, leaning forward to graze her breasts against his chest, grunting as Danny's belt buckle pressed into her abdomen. She reached around him, grabbing an whole eggplant off the counter. "Eggplant parm? What if I want _your_ eggplant parm-ed?"

She took the purple hued vegetable and raised it to her mouth, laving the succulent flesh with her tongue without breaking eye contact. She drew out her culinary mimicry for three excruciating minutes before opening her lips wide and shoving the whole thing in her mouth, gagging slightly as it hit the back of her throat.

Danny frowned. "Mindy, that's unsanitary. I don't have an infinite supply of eggplants, do you even want to eat tonight?"

Mindy smirked devilishly. "I can think of far more unsanitary things to do with this particular veggie, and I plan on filling up on…" she gave Danny's groin a significant look before glancing back at the produce in her hand, "eggplant tonight, one way or another." _La la la la la la la la._

Danny swallowed, finding himself instantly hard at the very thought, his rigid erection tenting his pants and straining the fly, as he watched her attempt to lift herself onto the messy counter top. She hit the spoon he'd placed there, which flung bits of marinara sauce onto Danny's shirt. "Well, well, well. Look who's a _dirty_ boy. Can't have that," she purred before pulling the t-shirt over his head and throwing it across the room. _Ha ha he he ha ha ho._

She reached across to Danny's simmering pot of sauce and dipped one carefully manicured finger into the hot liquid before drawing it across his chest, paying close attention to his nipples before lapping up the tomatoey residue with her tongue. She pulled back, and looked up at him playfully. "Say what you want about me, but all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to… If you seek Amy." The words came out raspily, her arousal grating in her voice.

Danny ground his erection into her, it's vessels engorged with blood as his member grew between them, the front of his jeans growing damp from liquids oozing from her own sauce pot. He frowned at her words. "Why do you keep bringing her up, are you jealous of the chocolate sauce incident? Because really, Mindy, that was just a big mess. It all slid off her flat ass and I ended up cleaning most of it off the hardwood floor…" His words trailed off, the pleasure in his jeans overpowering his speech for a moment.

Mindy laughed again, but finally took pity on him. "It's a song, silly. If. You. Seek. A...my… F.U.C.K. ME! See!?"

"Happy to," he growled, attacking her neck with his mouth with the fervor of a world champion competitive eater at an oyster eating contest, sucking ardently. The suction, so reminiscent of when he had last slurped away at her love button, sent a flood of aromatic fluids pouring into her sopping panties. He reached down between them to unbuckle his belt, but Mindy stayed his hands, putting the large purple vegetable in her hand between them. _Oh baby baby baby._

"Brad's really hungry for dinner, and I just don't think the hot dog in your pants is enough for him tonight."

Danny pulled back from her neck with an audible pop. "Hot dog?!"

She smiled. "You know how much Brad loves his junk food, but I think he's craving something a little more healthy tonight." She waved the eggplant in front of his face, as if afraid that he wasn't understanding her not so subtle hints.

Danny frowned. "But… Brad, uh, is like… married to Angelina right?"

"Angelina will not be neglected, Danny. Brad can always have a hot dog for dessert." Mindy shoved the eggplant under her skirt with one hand, grabbing one of Danny's with the other after tearing away her paperthin underwear, encouraging him to take control by wrapping his fingers around the supple flesh of the veggie.

Danny's mouth dropped open, feeling the true size of the thing beneath his fingers, he swallowed, looking up at her worriedly. "Um, Min… this is kind of… large? Are you sure…?"

"Danny, if you don't fuck me with this eggplant _right now_ , Angelina is not going to get any of Brad's gooey honey cake tonight."

Mindy's words set Danny in motion, pressing the tip of the eggplant at her vaginal orifice, running it back and forth to coat it in Mindy's special gravy, before pressing firmly into her. After some initial resistance, the slicked up object glided into her, its flesh grazing her vulva as it went deeper. She gasped (Danny used the opportunity to finally kiss her, invading her oral orifice with the thick muscle of his tongue) as the tissue of her perineum stretched wide, making her feel impossibly full, the tip of the vegetable bumping up against her cervix and sliding along her vaginal walls as it took up all the room inside of her. _Ha ha he he ha ha ho._

She half groaned, half gasped into Danny's mouth, as he began to pump in and out, his wrist angling their makeshift sex toy (an item with a natural curve anyway) up so that it bumped against the spongy tissue of her Grafenberg spot. She squeaked, the sound turning into a moan as the stretching becoming almost painful, the widest part of the plant crossing her threshold. ' _Cause I been waiting here forever._

Danny pulled back, her puffy lips slipping away from his own as he looked down at her, a worried expression. "Are you ok? Should we stop?"

"Fuck, no! I'm… so… close… Danny." She panted out the words, kicking up a leg over Danny's shoulder and bucking her hips to kickstart his piston-like movements once again. He was happy to oblige, only mildly jealous that she was getting off without him. He knew he'd get his own in a minute. She grasped his shoulders, her fingernails digging jagged furrows into the smooth flesh as the volcano inside of her erupted, sending the slime covered purple produce flying out of her like a t-shirt being shot out of a cannon as her kegels spasmed and her pelvic floor contracted. It slipped through Danny's momentarily lax fingers and bounced on the floor.

Mindy panted as she came down from her orgasmic high, the pulsing of her abdominal muscles sending shudders through her as she pulled Danny's mouth to hers. She smiled and hummed against his lips before squirming on the counter, impatient to continue their pre-dinner pastime.

She didn't account for the oil slick beneath her, and gasped out an alarmed little yelp as she slipped off the counter, throwing her arms around Danny as they tumbled into the kitchen floor. She landed on top of him with an audible oomph, his granite hard erection tucked perfectly in the vee of her thighs as her natural vaginal lubricant seeped out on to his clothing like a soaker hose watering a freshly planted lawn. _Oh, say what you want about me. 'Bout me. 'Bout me._

Her hands moved to his belt, unbuckling it with the impatience of a six year old with a full bladder waiting for the bathroom, her jittery fingers fumbling with the metal catch, as she unconsciously ground against him, her knees rocking on the cold tile. He pushed her hands out of the way, finishing the job much more swiftly than she was able to, grasping her blouse as well and dragging it up over her head.

He sat up, drawn immediately to her nipples, like a suicidal moth to a flame. One hard nub was in his mouth in seconds, while he pinched the other one between his fingers, harder than the nipple clamps they'd tried once. The pressure sent an electric current directly to the erogenous zone between her thighs, the nerves there inextricably connected.

His glans poked against her navel, briefly nestling inside the shallow crevice before Mindy pulled away giggling, a sticky bead of preejaculate seminal fluid stringing between their bodies. "Danny, you can't fuck my belly button!" _Say what you want about me. All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy._

He laughed, pulling away from her. "I could if I wanted. You're up for anything."

She nodded, as she watched him move curiously. He came up behind her, hands bracketing her waist as he maneuvered her on to all-fours. Danny brushed donut crumbs off her ass then nudged Mindy's legs farther apart with his knee, then sat back on his haunches to admire the sight before him. Before he could resist, he bent his head to deeply inhale her effluvious womanly essence. She was spread before him beautifully, pungent and blooming like an onion. The not so gentle nudging of Danny's nose was almost more than Mindy could bear. She released a keening sound akin to a coyote howling at the moon as Danny's tongue began to dart in and out of her vaginal slit, curving upward like the prehensile tail of a possum, flicking at her urethral sponge. _La la la la la la la la._

"Fuck me now, Danny!" The words came out strangled, barely escaping her throat through the violence of her pleasure, her vocal chords quivering in the same cadence of her contracting vaginal walls. Her lady fountain was overflowing with feminine love potion and Danny was under her spell, stopping briefly to guzzle from her fount like a man who'd been lost in the desert for weeks dying of dehydration. _Love me. Hate me._

It was too much for Mindy, squealing like a feral cat in heat, her muscles clenched and she arched her back pushing herself further onto Danny's face as she erupted in a shower of torrential gushing, momentarily blinding him. He withdrew his tongue, using her bunched up skirt to clear his eyes of her hot gravy.

Just as she reached the apex of her anal clenching orgasm, Danny plunged his pork steeple into her waiting depths. He sighed in relief, the gooey warmth wrapping around him closely, her passage squeezing him tightly like a boa constrictor. For a moment he'd been worried that his eggplant aided ministrations would have made this experience more like throwing a hotdog down a hallway than the normally tight canal sucking at him like a leech, but she was still as tight as a virginal nun.

He began to rock against her, pulling his penile shaft almost all the way out each time, his glans the only thing still encased between her nether lips, before he plunged back into her each time, his thighs slapping against her ass cheeks. The stinging sensation like nettles against his skin, pushing him even closer to the shattering crescendo he knew was coming.

He fisted her hair in one hand, roughly yanking her head back as he rode her like a cowboy clutching for dear life atop a bucking bronco, worried that he might not even last the requisite eight seconds before his buzzer went off. He raised his free hand and brought it down on the smooth brown expanse of skin bouncing in front of his face, biting his bottom lip as she gasped. He could feel her kegels clench around him with the action, so he repeated it. The stinging imprint of his palm on the globes of her ass nearly drove Mindy to insanity.

He went so deep, Mindy forgot all of her med-school anatomy lessons, thinking that surely he must be thumping against her tonsils. She began to moan incoherently, barking like a rutting baboon in heat, presenting her red ass in much the same way. The garbled sounds began to come out in a scrambled cacophony of jungle noises, trumpeting like an elephant as she blew out a harsh breath. It was all too much for Danny, pushing him over the edge of the cliff. His glutes clenched as he buried himself balls deep into her one last time, shooting hot ropey streams inside of her as he let out a jackal like yelp.

The feeling of his hot man musk spewing inside her, coating her cervix and vaginal walls, was enough to tip her over the edge again. Her orgasm reverberated through her, the muscles of her interior vagina milking the remaining man goo from his softening appendage. Mindy collapsed onto the kitchen floor, Danny falling on top of her, his flaccid penis traveling up the crack of her ass. He was too soft for any action there, another time maybe, although the thought did give a slight tingling of interest.

But, Mindy didn't allow him to follow that particular train of thought, her own rumbling stomach pulling her away from their current position. She scooted out from underneath him, turning slightly to adjust her stained skirt, giving up and sliding the thing all the way down her hips before she reached down to help Danny up. "You know, Danny. Brad and Angelina aren't actually married."

"They're not? But they have like twenty kids." He rose to stand beside her, the smell of their lovemaking still lingering in the air. "They really should be married."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Happy with the answer Danny gave her, she rose on her tip toes and kissed away the remaining coating of her love juice on his lips before turning back to the counter. Cooking naked probably isn't advisable for most people, but that was a skill Danny had perfected as of late. They finished their dinner, and Mindy marveled at how delicious Danny's Eggplant Parmesan was, knowing no other chef could ever replicate it, the vegetable having been marinated in quite a unique secret ingredient. _I can't get her off of my brain._


End file.
